In the United States where I reside - the second question we ask when we meet someone new → right after we ask for their name is:
“So, what do you do?!”
And then we lay judgement based on the learnings.
What does it mean if they’re a lawyer, a doctor, an executive assistant, a marketing director, a stay at home parent, in between roles looking for something now… our brains fill in the gaps - and not always kindly.
Because so much of our adults lives is dictated by our work, a lot of the work I do with senior professionals is learning how to untangle these ideas from each other.
Work and Worth
I could go on a rant about how this is a flaw in capitalism - when we are only defined by how we service society and our community, we become one note.
When work permeates all of our waking hours, suddenly there’s no space for any personality or humanity outside of working.
The downgrading of the idea of doing things “just for fun” without wanting to monetize, side-hustle or optimize.
And, for those of us with complicated boundaries - or workplaces that don’t respect them - if we’re working nonstop - and thinking about work nonstop, it’s hard to be a person outside of the work and family obligations.
The Hot Take on Worth and Work
I stand by this whole heartedly. By untangling worth from work your life AND work will improve. BOTH. Like, this isn't just saying build boundaries for shits and giggles. It'll truly make you better at your job.
Simply put - if we stop tying up our identity with our work we get to live a more well-rounded life, step away from the ever-growing ladder, and, we’ll perform better at work with a bit of self-distancing!
How to Untangle
The quickest way to slow things down is that self-distancing game. The next time you're feeling real spicy with work ask yourself:
"Will this matter in [1 month/1 year/10 years]"
Usually that can help us gray rock things a bit - I love talking about gray rocking!
That's it. That's the method!
Be an Untangler! Stop Perpetuating the Tangle!
Want to do this in your real life? Here are some tips and tricks!
🗓️ Sign up for a class, workshop, activity that forces you to stop work and go do something else
🧱 Define clear boundaries and expectations on when/how you’re available, communicate them, and uphold them (easier said than done!)
🪦 Write your obituary. It’s morbid, but, no one’s tombstone should read: Here Lies Rikki who was a Fabulous Coach and Worked All the Time. Right?
🪩 Practice not tangling others worth-work. Instead of leading with “What do you do” or “How’s work?” … Ask something else! What trips are they going on. What have they been reading lately? How have they been filling their time? What’s their next challenge they’re excited about? Etc. Etc. Etc.
This is the type of work I do with my private clients.
We’ve usually been conditioned from a young age, whether it was a parent, a partner, a mentor, an educator - to see our self-worth as our performance.
But as we age and realize how much messier work is - how little control we have over reality, it becomes incredibly important to get clearer on what matters to US - not our company, not our LinkedIn, not our parents’ paths - and figure out how to honor that - even if it looks different than the norm. That's why I'm here!
Want to learn more? Check out my client stories and hear from a past client 👀 ⬇️ 👀 ⬇️ 👀 ⬇️
"If you’re looking to pivot, make a big transition, get clarity on what you want in work/life - work with Rikki"
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She was focused on the holistic picture - how work falls into place alongside family, friends, hobbies and life. And at the same time, she was incredibly smart, built wonderful rapport, our conversations felt like they were with a close friend, but were full of thought-provoking questions, and she picked up on themes that I wouldn’t have.
The biggest payoff was realizing what I wanted - and that what I wanted was okay. It’s okay to focus on work life balance. It’s okay to expect more from my career in terms of making me happier. It’s okay to recognize that my past negative experiences were a result of more than just myself, and other people have had similar experiences.
If you’re looking to pivot, make a big transition, get clarity on what you want in work/life - work with Rikki. She can pull you out of your head, parse out your thoughts and give you an objective perspective. This work has been so valuable - the exercises, the conversations, all of it. I’m thankful for the experience.
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Chat soon sweets.
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Hey hey! I'm Rikki Goldenberg (she/her) and I'm an ICF-certified executive leadership and career coach who helps cool people create a relationship with work that's aligned with their values and desires.
Are you a mid-professional who's at a cross-roads in your career and curious about a career co-pilot to help you figure it out? You can always snag time with me to learn more!
I work with established folks: leaders, creatives, and entrepreneurs who are navigating shifts and changes and want to partner with someone who'll help them hang out on the edge of growth - without pushing them off the ledge.
Together we create actionable plans, get stuff done, all without taking ourselves too seriously.
With a background in human-centered service design research, product marketing and consulting, I love to leverage my breadth of experiences from start-ups to fortune 500s to bring unique perspectives and learnings.
Click here to learn more about how we can work together and find me on Instagram and LinkedIn!
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